INTIMATE STRANGERS

Song of Solomon 5:1-8:14; 2 Corinthians 9:1-15; Psalm 51:1-19; Proverbs 22:24-25

“I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling: ‘Open to me, my treasure, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.’ But I responded, ‘I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?’ My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me. I jumped up to open the door for my love, and my hands dripped with perfume. My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt. I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply.”

“As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God. For your generosity to them and to all believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ. And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you. Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words!”

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.”

“Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”

If there is one thing that poisons a relationship faster then anger, it is blatant self-centeredness. Egoism can manifest itself in many, many different ways, but the translation is always the same. “My needs, dreams and desires are just more important than yours.” Worse, even a little bit of selfishness can do serious damage. It keeps us strangers, intimate though we may be. Abishag, as focused on Solomon as she was, learned this the hard way. The King came to her out of a storm late at night, soaked to the skin and seeking refuge, warmth and comfort. Her response, essentially, was “It’s late, I’m not dressed, and I’ve just done my nails. You are not convenient right now. Go away. I don’t want to deal with you. Take care of yourself.” For only a moment, the door to her heart was locked. But that moment was pivotal. Even as Abishag moved to undo the damage her thoughtless words had done, her lover disappeared. She was left alone and vulnerable, wandering the streets looking for the love she could have had, if she had just taken a second to see life from his point of view.

Now, of course, Solomon’s pride probably contributed some to the problem as well. No doubt, “no” was not a word he was used to hearing, and he got chapped off sooner than he should have. The word for those of us who sympathize with him is that pride and impatience is just as effective at destroying intimacy as self-centeredness. The three are kissing cousins anyway, and often trigger each other, making a mess of everything they touch. However, in writing his Song, Solomon chose not to go there. Wonder of wonders. (I guess the moral there is it’s good to be the King….)

Bottom line, while it is a hard thing to accept and even harder to do, Jesus Christ was not negotiating with us when He directed that we are to love each other as we love ourselves. There is not a single condition or prerequisite stated in that command. There are no breaks for “me time” factored in, and no where does the word “unless” appear. If we are to truly call ourselves His disciples, we must put the interests of others at least on a par with our own comfort, convenience and plans, every time. Really. Even more specifically, the life of a husband and wife is designed by God to be an equal partnership, and His desire and plan for it is that two souls really do become a single unit. Most of us do not take “the two shall become one” seriously enough. We keep certain doors shut. However, as far as the Bible is concerned, while there is always forgiveness from the Father, of course, there is no acceptable Plan B alternative for marriage if the two refuse to become one. The only result possible is that we condemn ourselves and our spouses to a relationship that ends up being far less that what the Holy Spirit had in mind when we do not fully unite in intimacy with our spouses.

Put simply, our spouses’ needs have to become our needs; their joys and disappointments, our joys and disappointments. Our fundamental priority must be given to those things that build our marriages, not those things that break us apart or that put a premium on individuality. This is not to say that we become doormats or abandon or personal hopes and dreams. It is only to say that we let the Spirit have its way in blending our individual ministries and passions into a single, unified whole. We fight our tendency to remain intimate strangers.

Most couples don’t really talk much about blending their lives together. It’s much more common for discussions to focus on “my career” or “my needs.” Scripture tells us plainly, though, that two are better than one. Not “might be” or “have the potential to be” better. “Are” better. So, we have a wonderful opportunity when God joins us to another in love and marriage. We can be better than we are. Let’s not miss the opportunity. Instead, let’s claim it, passionately.