A CAN OF WORMS

Isaiah 33:10-36:22; Galatians 5:13-26; Psalm 64:1-10; Proverbs 23:23

“Even the wilderness and desert will be glad in those days. The wasteland will rejoice and blossom with spring crocuses. Yes, there will be an abundance of flowers and singing and joy! The deserts will become as green as the mountains of Lebanon, as lovely as Mount Carmel or the plain of Sharon. There the Lord will display his glory, the splendor of our God. With this news, strengthen those who have tired hands, and encourage those who have weak knees. Say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, and do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you.’ And when he comes, he will open the eyes of the blind and unplug the ears of the deaf. The lame will leap like a deer, and those who cannot speak will sing for joy! Springs will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams will water the wasteland.”

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”

“The godly will rejoice in the Lord and find shelter in him. And those who do what is right will praise him.”

“Get the truth and never sell it; also get wisdom, discipline, and good judgment.”

Today, I’m opening a can of worms because a haunting line from the novel, The Shack, keeps repeating itself in my head. In the book, the Lord points out that if we truly thought God good, we would trust Him completely. But we don’t. This one thought knifes straight to the heart of all that faith is and means. It makes sense. After all, only fools or psychopaths trust what they know is not good. No one willingly steps out on a crumbling ledge. So, I need to honestly confront what my inability or unwillingness to fully trust the Father says about who I think He really is.

I always though of my reluctance to place my life fully at the disposal of the Spirit as a matter of pride or, at worst, simple human weakness. I never thought it a reflection of what I really think about the Father. Having now been forced to think about it, I am troubled. There’s no argument about me not fully trusting God. Control is not something I’m inclined to give away easily. But do I continue to cling to an illusion of personal control because I believe God is unworthy of my trust? Do I actually doubt His goodness? Yikes!

Absolute goodness is not something humans are familiar with; it’s conceivable we even mistake it at times for something else. For example, according to Scripture, God has been directly responsible for the death of a lot of folks throughout history. Good for Israel, perhaps, but not so great for the pagan victims. I understand why the wages of sin is death. But is something “good” just because it’s necessary or inevitable? In my humanness, it’s sometimes hard to accept that all the judgments of the Lord are good, even when Scripture says so.

Finally, then, I’ve hit bedrock. In my heart of hearts, I still do not fully trust God because I still fear His judgment and have a tough time calling it “good.” From our politically correct, human perspective, almost any judgment, by definition, is “bad.” It certainly is if and when it’s directed at us. Since I know I am not worthy of anything but judgment when measured by the yardstick of holiness, I still fear God. So, I don’t – can’t – fully trust Him as good.

Now, because of Christ, this fear has been pushed deep into my subconscious. Thanks be to Yahweh! But I know it’s still there precisely because I still do not fully trust in my own salvation. Short and simple, I have yet to fully get my mind and my heart around grace.

Until we fully embrace the grace and forgiveness Jesus bought us at the Cross, it’s doubtful we can ever fully trust God. When the chips are down, most of us still worry about abandonment. Our practical sides question whether the Spirit is truly real and powerful enough to provide for our daily needs and protection here on earth. This is not comfortable stuff. It challenges the very idea that my little “quasi-trust” ever was or ever will be sufficient. Maybe that’s why Jesus so emphasized growth of a “mustard seed” faith.

I don’t want to fool myself any longer with half way or conditional trust. I know now I lack power and confidence and suffer from anxiety for the same reason (and because, obviously) I fail to fully trust God. I remain stubbornly unconvinced that He always has my best interests at heart. This is not a selfish thought, though it sounds like one. I am not afraid of sacrifice, for instance. But it would be nice to be sure our sacrifices will always be used for good by the Spirit. On the other hand, Scripture, and Christ, say God is good. Faith says that ends the debate. Maybe if I get more intentional about focusing on how God sustains me on a daily basis – instead of how He might let me down or judge me – I will be willing to trust Him more.