Numbers 10:1-11:23; Mark 14:1-21; Psalm 51:1-19; Proverbs 10:31-32
“And say to the people, ‘Purify yourselves, for tomorrow you will have meat to eat. You were whining, and the Lord heard you when you cried, “Oh, for some meat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?””
“While he was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard. She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over his head. Some of those at the table were indignant. ‘Why waste such expensive perfume?’ they asked. ‘It could have been sold for a year’s wages and the money given to the poor!’ So they scolded her harshly.”
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
I wrestle with deep-seated inferiority born of a youth and young adulthood centered on personal accomplishment. In a very real way, I was only as good as my last award or victory. Not a particularly good foundation for growth…. Worse, the process was self-defeating. Each achievement brought higher expectations, and a new level of “competitor.” No one can ultimately win the competition game; it has no end – other than exhaustion and bitterness. There’s always someone “better,” something better…. But my past helps me understand the Israelites in the desert, and the ones around Jesus’ table, too. Empty people are constantly hungry and habitually critical of those who do not share their affliction.
Most of us know what it is to crave the new and different, to persistently – sometimes, even unreasonably - desire and seek more than we have. We also know how to resent those more generous and secure. We allow ourselves to be critical when we should be grateful and supportive. Why? Well, there is no justification for any of this, but I do propose an explanation. We are craving the wrong things. My voracious side, for example, is starved for recognition, and it never gets enough. Sounds easy enough to fix, right? Just try a little humility…. Oh, contraire! The insatiable drive for more, and the disparagement of others, are the very ying and yang of “self.” Although one or the other is at the heart of virtually all human misery, we are helpless to purge them on our own.
These tendencies turn even the greatest blessings and most compassionate actions sour. Look how quickly the Israelites tired of both manna and quail (and, by implication, the love of God behind both)! Recognize the dinner guests’ immediately cynical response to Mary’s anointing of Her Lord for what it was. Her extravagant love demonstrated the epitome of security! Hers was a soul filled to overflowing with the Spirit of grace, forgiveness and healing. Her action was a natural outpouring and sharing of gratitude. Yet all the guests saw was waste. They could not comprehend the depth of healing and wholeness Jesus provided, so they just discounted it. Talk about dragging others down….
The moral is that greed and envy walk hand in hand, spoiling things for everyone. They are a deadly duo. There is only one antidote: a filling by the Holy Spirit! When the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, only the Spirit can fill us the way we were made to be filled. Any other substitute eventually leads to disillusionment and bitterness. A wise pastor once told me that “bitterness” is taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. That kind of futility is more than reason enough to seek the Spirit’s heart first, and always.
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