THE JOY OF SEX

Jeremiah 16:16-18:23; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-5:3; Psalm 81:1-16; Proverbs 25-6-8

“This is what the Lord says: 'Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.'"

“Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more. For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

“But no, my people wouldn’t listen. Israel did not want me around. So I let them follow their own stubborn desires, living according to their own ideas.  Oh, that my people would listen to me! Oh, that Israel would follow me, walking in my paths!  How quickly I would then subdue their enemies! How soon my hands would be upon their foes! Those who hate the Lord would cringe before him; they would be doomed forever. But I would feed you with the finest wheat. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock.”

I don’t suppose this project would ever be truly complete if it did not deal with sexuality at least once. After almost thirty years of marriage, hey, I’m a big fan. There is just no better way to express intimacy and closeness. But over the years, I’ve learned that everything I was told as a kid really is true. The intimacy of sex begins and ends with intimacy of the soul. When souls are joined, sex is complete. If souls are separated, pulling in different directions, or one partner has been emotionally wounded, sex is, at best, unfulfilling. At worst, it can actually drive a wedge between participants. Like faith, great sex is not just a simple question of performance. On that level, sex really is little more than animal instinct. When sex is the culmination of intimate relationship, however, the two become one in a way that defies explanation. Sex is a gift, and can be a sacred moment. When we debase it or misuse it, we are the ones who ultimately suffer. Sex without communion of the soul is like sarcastic humor that does not quite reach our smile. It quickly becomes formulaic, and eventually turns bitter.

I’m well aware there are those who will read the previous paragraph and shake their head in scoffing disbelief. I also understand my wife and I may be one of the relatively few dinosaurs left in the world. Neither of us has ever been unfaithful; each of us understands we are the guardian of our mate’s heart. But lest anyone think differently, sex has very little to do with our commitment to fidelity. Giving that kind of priority to sex is human, yes, but it’s also the worst kind of cart-before-the-horse reasoning. We are not faithful because we crave sex. We are faithful because we crave intimacy and security and sanctuary in all their manifestations. Sex is symptomatic of all those things, but is not a substitute for any of them.

I have known many folks for whom sex has a very different meaning. It has destroyed their lives. The number of more or less “normal” people who have been abused, especially by close “friends” or relatives, is absolutely stunning. And we as Christains don’t do near enough to put a stop to it. There can be no greater betrayal, no more overwhelming wound, than sex misused. Inevitably, it leaves a far deeper scar than even its victims usually understand. There is no justification or excuse for misusing sex. There is every reason to take a stand against it.

God calls us to be holy. Christ calls us to live a lifestyle that reflects Him. We do nothing of the sort when we engage in deviant acts or turn our attention away from those who do. Let us instead dedicate our bodies as we have committed our souls – to the purposes of the Lord and the work of His Kingdom. The Holy Spirit literally wrote the book on sex. That’s what Song of Solomon is all about. If we would be ashamed for Christ to see us in the bedroom, we need to seriously rethink our sexual goals and strategies. He longs to bless our physical unions every bit as much as our spiritual unions. But until we can celebrate the joys of sex with no guilt and no hesitation in the marriage context for which it was meant, we still have a lot to learn about our technique. No human will ever completely fulfill our needs. It sounds weird, but if Christ is going to be part of our life, we necessarily need to think long and hard about what we do with Him when we enter the bedroom, as well.