SUFFERING BY COMPARISON

2 Samuel 19:11-20:13; John 21:1-25; Psalm 120:1-7; Proverbs 16:16-17

“’But there are ten tribes in Israel,’ the others replied. ‘So we have ten times as much right to the king as you do. What right do you have to treat us with such contempt? Weren’t we the first to speak of bringing him back to be our king again?’ The argument continued back and forth, and the men of Judah spoke even more harshly than the men of Israel.”

“Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, ‘Lord, who will betray you?’ Peter asked Jesus, ‘What about him, Lord?’”

“The path of the virtuous leads away from evil; whoever follows that path is safe.”

The story is told of an old monk known for his deep spirituality, which stemmed from the time he spent in fervent prayer. He would spend hours on his knees, praying and fasting, frequently refusing to take nourishment for days at a time. One day, as he was enjoying especially deep and sweet communion with his Creator, a small demon came to test him. Over and over again, the spirit applied his best torments, not once getting through the monk’s resolve. Finally, having observed the lesser evil’s futile efforts, Ol’ Slewfoot himself approached. “Let a Master show you how it’s done,” Beelzebub snorted. Leaning over the monk’s shoulder, he simply whispered, “Your brother just made Cardinal,” and prayer time was over. 

I don’t remember first hearing this parable, but that it has stuck with me for decades speaks volumes. I would do a lot better in life if I was less concerned about others’ successes and more focused on my own relationship with Christ. By nature, I’m a pretty competitive guy. Sizing up myself against others is almost an instinctive response. But that doesn’t make it right. Nothing worthy of God ever comes from accomplishing anything just for the sake of beating others to it. The Holy Spirit does not call us to live above the standards of our fellow men and women. No, the Spirit calls us to live up to God’s standards. And when we really grasp and accept that concept, we instantly realize how foolish and self-destructive our human competitions must look to our Father.

When I try to live above the standard set by any other human being, I am actually lowering the bar set by God by not even trying to live to Christ’s standard. There may be understandable, “human” reasons for this. Living up to Jesus’ standard is its own exercise in futility.  Living by earthly mores may be hard, but following Jehovah’s commandments is impossible.  Our failures make us lose confidence in ourselves. We feel weak and inadequate. Better to have more achievable goals, we think. So, we compare ourselves to others, instead of to Christ. We rarely appreciate that, when humans spiritually compete, the harmony Yahweh intends for his Body is inevitably disturbed, if not destroyed all together.

Our seemingly limitless passion for surpassing others of our kind is truly an instrument of the devil. I was raised with the requirement that I be “the best.” Not my best; the best: heady stuff for a child. For years, then, my first reaction to anyone else’s success was to assume I could (and needed to) do better, and to be bitter and jealous unless and until I was. (Not anything to be proud of; I’m just owning it here.) I’d get very judgmental, finding flaws in everything the other person attempted. I’d gossip, when I thought it suited me (of course, it never really did). Nor was I above sabotage. But it was tough to make friends that way, and the day finally came when Christ had enough. I hit a professional wall – more like a glass ceiling – and I had to rethink priorities. I could continue to beat myself up, or I could once more lay hold of grace, and let Christ reconcile me to myself as well as to those my relentless drive had so alienated. I chose “B.” It was not an easy decision, at first. Others responded with completely reasonable cynicism and distrust.  Little by little, though, a new man emerged. Don’t think I’m ready to fly, yet. My wings are still drying. But, at least, I am free of the cocoon of worldly expectations, and I can finally appreciate without rancor and even celebrate the spiritual achievements and growth of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I’ll tell you what: we really have one pretty terrific family, when it comes down to it. At least, when we’re not in competition. When the victories of each of us become a reason to celebrate for all of us, heaven will be one step closer, too.

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING

2 Samuel 18:1-19:10; John 20:1-31; Psalm 119:153-176; Proverbs 16:14-15

“We saved your life today and the lives of your sons, your daughters, and your wives and concubines. Yet you act like this, making us feel ashamed of ourselves. You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you…. Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before.”

“One of the twelve disciples, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), was not with the others when Jesus came. They told him, ‘We have seen the Lord!’  But he replied, ‘I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in his side.’”

 Gilda Radner’s old Saturday Night Live character, Roseanne Roseannadanna, had an oft-quoted tag line, “It’s always something!” That sentiment might just qualify as the theme of our generation. Contentment, if it exists at all, is seldom better than situational and rarely lasts longer that our ability to recognize the next thing we don’t have that we want. Surgeons transplant vital organs; we complain about how the sedative makes us feel. The boss lets us keep our job; we complain there is no raise. Someone does us a favor; we are disappointed when it is not done better. We are a fickle bunch. No one but God could have been patient with us for so long. Yet the sounds of our whining continue to drown out His encouragement and love.

Now, don’t get ahead of me. Scripture is right; there is a time and place for everything. David had every right – and a legitimate need - to grieve Absalom. But not in a way that basically slapped his benefactors in the face for their efforts to save him. Thomas had every right to be disappointed that he’d missed Jesus’ first appearance to the disciples as a group. But not to the extent of demanding a closer encounter with Jesus than they had experienced. (That Jesus honored his request anyway says much more about grace than about Thomas’ prideful, “I’ll be the toughest nut to crack in the bunch” attitude.) As hard as it may be to accept from the center of the storm, when our grief, selfishness or discontent, however understandably, develops to the point that we cannot be considerate of others, it has gone too far. It is a clear sign we are not letting Jesus minister to us, or heal and make us whole. When our insatiable desire for more is motivated by a desire to set ourselves apart from others (whether on the “positive” side, with success and riches; or the “negative” side, with excuses and the sympathy vote), it is well past time we start thinking about giving our lives back to Christ. Only He can fill the empty void in our hearts and souls. Only He is all-sufficient. We really need to accept that He is all-sufficient, and that what we don’t have, we may not really need.

All this also raises the question of what David was actually grieving. Was it truly his son’s death, or the fact that David’s insensitive banishment of his son started the alienation in the first place. Was it honest grief, or guilt? Or was he losing faith in the midst of the trial? Joab thought he knew. David’s silence in the face of his rebuke looks a lot like confirmation. David may have been feeling sorry for himself. But whatever the cause of his anguish, Joab forced him to live out of faith, whether he liked it or not. Joab made him reengage with life, with his troops, and show a gratitude he did not feel. Joab’s words read like they are heartless. But as David lived them, in spite of himself, he was renewed by the Holy Spirit, and the entire Hebrew Kingdom was reunited under his rule.

Tough love has its time and place, too. Some might argue Joab had no compassion. I would counter that he had great compassion, and empathy. This passage is way too complex and brief to allow a serious discussion of which man was “right” at what time. But the point is, even in his deepest despair, David did not have to be overcome by his grief. He could, and did, break out of it. He did it by focusing on others with a grateful heart. Let’s work on living out of wholeness, not discontent or guilt. We might just hear the Father actually calling out to us a little more often in the bargain.

UNDERCOVER ANGEL

2 Samuel 17:1-29; John 19:23-42; Psalm 119:129-152; Proverbs 16:12-13

“When Hushai arrived, Absalom told him what Ahithophel had said. Then he asked, ‘What is your opinion? Should we follow Ahithophel’s advice? If not, what do you suggest?’  ‘Well,’ Hushai replied to Absalom, ‘this time Ahithophel has made a mistake.’”

“Afterward Joseph of Arimathea, who had been a secret disciple of Jesus (because he feared the Jewish leaders), asked Pilate for permission to take down Jesus’ body. When Pilate gave permission, Joseph came and took the body away.”

The most important servant of God is not always the most visible. Sometimes, in fact, the most effective disciple is the least obvious. The Holy Spirit has a special place in Paradise for those willing to serve Him without fanfare and without acknowledgement. Those “undercover angels” usually have the best chance of getting close to others. Precisely because their faith is manifested mainly by quiet confidence and behind-the-scenes service, they usually “fly under the radar” and represent Christ in a uniquely personal way to those who would not accept Him or any aspect of grace otherwise.

For over twenty years, I have watched my wife represent Christ and minister to others in simple, humble service most never see, let alone appreciate. One of her passions has been bereavement ministry. Her call is to serve those in mourning by providing their family a meal or a small reception after the funeral. Those outside the family usually don’t even consider the impact her efforts have, but time and again, she serves as a very tangible reminder that those who mourn will be comforted.  

The last three years, she also has been an integral part of our Medical Mission Team to Guatemala, but she provides absolutely nothing to the locals. Unless healthy doctors and nurses count. Her chosen role is to run the kitchen and keep the more obvious missionaries fed amidst some pretty challenging sanitary and other conditions. It’s a ministry literally months in the planning, and it gets no headlines. But the Lord knows, and smiles.

One Thursday a month, she also gets together with yet another team and leads them in serving lunch to some of the older, “pillars” of our church. Much more than just a nice thing to do, her service is a literal tribute to their faithfulness and spiritual foresight and example in leading and growing our church into what it has become. More important, she just adores those she serves, and they adore her. None are complete that week if they have not been together for this very special meal.

Is any of this really any big deal? My wife would say not, if asked. It’s just what she does. Anyone could do it, if they put their mind to it. But not everyone does, and that is the real rest of the story. When my wife serves as Christ’s agent-in-place, she has opportunities to minister the rest of us don’t get. She makes friends for Jesus, not converts. (Jesus takes care of the “converts” part.) David understood the need for undercover angels. Joseph of Arimathea recognized the importance of his special, unheralded role to the Son of God. The Holy Spirit sees what is done in secret, and rewards it. Just maybe, I, too, could be more effective for Christ if I was a little less interested in headlines and recognition. I’ve been living with a saint for over twenty years, one who re-presents Christ to me on a daily basis. You’d have though I’d have figured this out sooner....

WHAT PRICE LOYALTY?

2 Samuel 15:23-16:23; John 18:25-19:22; Psalm 119:113-128; Proverbs 16:10-11

“’And where is Mephibosheth, Saul’s grandson?’ the king asked him.

 ‘He stayed in Jerusalem,’ Ziba replied. ‘He said, “Today I will get back the kingdom of my grandfather Saul.”’

 ‘In that case,’ the king told Ziba, ‘I give you everything Mephibosheth owns.’”

**********

“No! Not this man. We want Barabbas!”

“Give discernment to me, your servant….”

It is amazing how fast the tide of loyalty can turn. By 1992, still as a young attorney, I had worked my way up to the coveted position of partner in a local law firm. For those who don’t know, the designation of “partner” is a big deal to lawyers. It represents more money, of course, but more important, it is supposed to convey a sort of tenure, or security, not otherwise available in our profession. Partners are expected – or used to be expected, anyway - to stand behind each other and hang together, come what may. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. One evening around 8:30pm as I was deep in the middle of negotiations over a client’s “bet your company” $6+ million contract, the senior litigator in the Firm knocked on my door. “You know times are tough, Tom. We appreciate all the good work. However, the Management Committee has met, and we have decided to let you go. We know you’re a partner and we can’t just lay you off under your contract, but if you don’t accept our severance package, we will institute formal proceedings to remove you as a partner for cause. Oh, and don’t ask why; we’re not going to get into that. Let’s just make this a friendly severance.”

Is there such a thing? Absolutely stunned – I was and had been one of the top five or so most productive and profitable attorneys in the Firm for several years – I was barely able to choke out a reply. “If that’s how you treat your partners around here, I’ll make it easy. I don’t want to be your partner.” The next day, with several other “partners,” I packed my things. But those I felt worse for were the six young counsel who were up for partner that year. Rather than judge them fairly on the basis of individual merit, the Firm just fired the entire class en masse.

Now, of course, the fact that the Firm would not discuss reasons did not mean there weren’t any. We both knew better, and partners who remained on the inside have long sense confirmed it. Two years earlier, I had been involved in a major construction case, covering for the senior partner who was the number one rainmaker in the Firm. Dozens of contractors had been sued. I walked into a deposition to find all their attorneys already at the table with an ultimatum of sorts. “We have an agreement in principle. All it will take is for your client to pitch in “X” dollars, and this whole thing will be over. But if the deposition starts, we lose the offer.” I tried to call the partner; he would not take the call. So, I called the client direct. The amount was far less than just defense costs, let alone actual expected liability. The client’s response was, “I’ll write you a personal check if I have to. Get it done.” So I did, having absolutely no idea that, that very day, the partner had sent a letter to the client anticipating over a $500,000 fee. Which the settlement prevented.

For the next two years, that partner stewed. In one pique of rage, he actually accused me privately of malpractice, although we both knew the client had been extremely well served. Finally, though, when Firm finances got tight and layoffs became inevitable, he “got even.” He insisted my name be added to those on the chopping block, or he threatened to leave. So it came to pass. And within the next two years, he left the Firm anyway. The fact they bet the wrong horse gave me no satisfaction whatsoever.

I’ve already told the back half of this story. Things worked out better than I ever imagined they could. God protected, preserved and blessed us mightily. But to this day, my number one sensitive hot spot concerns loyalty. People are so cavalier about this issue. We dare to shift fidelity on little more than personal convenience. We have little regard for the fact that, every time we do, we further undermine the foundation of trust and respect on which any life worth living must be based.

I know what it feels like to be betrayed. I testify Jesus can and will heal even those feelings. But the real point is this: my little matter cannot begin to compare to the damage I do when I betray Christ. Especially when others see me do it. We cannot overestimate the harm our hypocrisy works in the lives of others. When we act as if we aren’t Christians, we teach others it’s not safe to be Christian. Jesus taught Martha that very few things are worth undying loyalty. But those that are must be safeguarded at all costs. When we hold the heart of another in our hands, we do well to cherish it and protect it. The potential, negative effects of our failure to do so are just too costly to the Kingdom for a child of God to consider any other course.

PUNISHMENT AND DISCIPLINE

2 Samuel 14:1-15:22; John 18:1-24; Psalm 119:97-112; Proverbs 16:8-9

“You have convicted yourself in making this decision, because you have refused to bring home your own banished son. All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God does not just sweep life away; instead, he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him.”

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

David did not lose his kingdom because of any sin against God. His reign even survived the Bathsheba affair. What it could not survive was David’s own pride. His all-too-human desire just to “teach Absalom a lesson” (even after forgiving him and longing for his return) became David’s undoing. In part, this was because the lesson Absalom learned from his father was not the message his father intended to teach. David doubtless wanted to teach loyalty and humility. By merely banishing his son from his presence, though, he actually taught volumes on personal insecurity and bitterness. He meant to convey royal strength and justice. Instead, he exemplified weak pettiness and spite. The minute David took the easy way out by substituting mere punishment for loving instruction and direction, he unwittingly exposed a fatal flaw on which his son eventually capitalized. David could not effectively discipline those he loved. Rather than struggle through a relationship with his son while trying to correct him (discipline), David chose instead to merely punish and humiliate in an effort to “fix” his boy (punishment). The lesson for us is that there is a world of difference between punishment and discipline, and woe to the parent who does not understand or appreciate it. That parent one day may awake to find an enemy in the house.

Still, I appreciate and understand David’s issue. I have seen many men spend too much time one notch up the ladder of judgment from their kids, rather than in relationship with them. This assures the men can always look down on the children, but it does not a happy house make. The temptation to condemn rather than lovingly discipline can and will get the best of us. But it’s stupid; plain stupid, to let it happen! Parents, we must think we still have something to prove if we make punishment our first response. Perhaps we do. We need to prove we can love and direct our children without fundamentally hurting them. If we stick with a performance-based appreciation for what they do, though, rather than unconditionally accept who they are, we are lost before we begin. Parenting should never be an us-vs.-them competition. When it devolves to that state, there simply are no winners. A parent’s personal ego or security should never be a child’s prize. Descending to a bare knuckle level of machismo one upmanship is no way to win over one’s offspring.

Here today’s Scripture clearly: God does not sweep life aside when there is sin or shortcoming. He devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from Him. That’s the difference between punishment and discipline. We can do no better as parents ourselves than to follow the Father’s example. When such a thing is beyond us, we need to lean on Christ and trust Him to accomplish it. We may need to plan and push a bit ourselves, but we always need to leave it to the Holy Spirit to direct our specific steps, actions and the direction we actually travel. Kids crave relationship, like all people. When we give them our backs – or worse, the back of our hands - instead, we teach only the indelible lesson that there is no such thing as mercy, and our children remember.

FOR THE KIDS

2 Samuel 13:1-39; John 17:1-26; Psalm 119:81-96; Proverbs 16:6-7

“And King David, now reconciled to Amnon’s death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom.”

“I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do. Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth.”

“I am yours; rescue me!”

“Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin. By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.”

David’s love for his son Absalom defies easy explanation. Absalom killed his own brother; stole David’s throne; and slept with all his father’s concubines, signifying ultimate humiliation of the king. Even when David in his humanness could not bring himself to actually see Absalom, his soul continued to love his boy. He endured all the treachery and betrayal to keep the hope of reconciliation alive. After all he’d been through, finally, it is here in the twilight of his life that David truly proved himself “a man after God’s own heart.” He never stopped loving Absalom, straight through the moment of death and beyond, despite the younger man’s traitorous heart.

How like Jesus David turned out to be! Christ endured even greater pain and greater humiliation, but like David, still never lost sight of his love for his children. Moreover, it was that love which motivated every one of the Lord’s decisions and actions throughout His life. Wherever life took Him, whatever bad hand it dealt Him, Jesus’ philosophy and perspective remained exactly the same: it’s for the kids.

These two men shared a desire for their children’s blessing and growth which took precedence over all other concerns, including those David and Jesus justifiably had for themselves. Their unfailing love and faithfulness to their children made the children’s disloyalty in response all the more heinous, and yet, the love continued. Neither was a “fair weather father.” Through good and bad, in fellowship or alienation, the example of love David and Christ gave their children should continue to inspire us today.

I have been quite blessed to know many people from whom I have learned to love just by watching them in action with their kids. My sister-in-law’s family, my brother, and of course, my father-in-law (as told previously) all set a standard I can only hope to approximate some day. I pray God’s continued blessing on their examples frequently. But this weekend, I had the enormous privilege of attending the memorial service for the maternal grandmother of a family we have known for over twenty years. The ceremony itself was sweet, but it was the start of the service that touched me most deeply. The whole family – dozens of them, now! – marched in together for a celebration, not mourning, of the gift of life and love the grandmother left behind. In their unity, I was awestruck anew by how our friends’ example of undying commitment and sacrifice to their kids had bound no less than three generations into an unbreakable witness to the redeeming power of love. For, you see, both parents came from less than happy childhoods and fairly broken homes. They could have chosen a life of sarcasm, self-centeredness and bitterness, and no one could have blamed either of them. However, they choose instead to grab hold of the hand of Christ, and He has never let them or any of their children or grandchildren go. In fact, He expanded their marvelous sharing of His love by including an adopted daughter into their expanding circle.

There’s a lot about love I don’t understand. But I am beginning to understand some things. Love is best when it’s for others, and no matter the cost. We all have people we can mentor, sacrifice for, build up and love. Everyone sets an example for someone. Let’s us make sure to leave behind a good example of loving others into our family of Christ. If anyone asks why we make family such a priority, we’ll give them a simple answer: “It’s for the kids.” Because when we get to heaven and ask Jesus why He did what He did, we know He’ll say, “It was for you, my child!”

WHEN TRAGEDY COMES

2 Samuel 12:1-31; John 16:1-33; Psalm 119:65-80; Proverbs 16:4-5

“Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’ Nathan replied, ‘Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin. Nevertheless, because you have shown utter contempt for the Lord by doing this, your child will die.’ …Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon.”

“You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy…. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

“I know, O Lord, that your decisions are fair; you disciplined me because I needed it.
 Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant.’

“The Lord detests the proud; they will surely be punished.”

Why does God take the innocent child and spare the sinful man? Sometimes, the heart has questions the head can’t ignore. Or answer. It is often only in the crucible of apparent injustice where the measure of a person’s faith finally can be taken. I can’t pretend to know the heart of God. Neither can I be intellectually honest and ignore David and Bathsheba’s story. So, I will make of it what I can.

Initially, the most important thing my pastor said the first time I told of how we almost lost our first child was, “Never forget some people just don’t get to bring their babies home.” To anyone facing devastating loss, it is most important to remember first that there may be no reasons, at least that we can see or know this side of heaven. We cannot – and should not presume to - know another’s feelings in this area unless and until we’ve been there.

Second, it would be unfair and dangerous for any person to analogize David’s experience to anyone else. Let retribution remain the Holy Spirit’s prerogative. Though this may raise eyebrows, even Nathan may have been wrong. He did have a history of putting his own view ahead of God’s. Remember, he told David to go ahead and build the Temple, and God had to correct him? Truly, the death of Bathsheba’s baby may have had nothing whatsoever to do with God, and I say that to say this. Too many people are too willing to call down the wrath of God on those they judge as “sinners.” Because their mind or faith is too small too otherwise accommodate or make sense of tragedy, they take the easy way out, blaming otherwise inexplicable horrors on the victims themselves, or the Lord. We should never allow our own insecurities or lack of faith affect how we respond to others’ disasters. It is beyond cruel to attribute catastrophies to Christ without being absolutely sure. Even then, it’s probably not helpful. If the cause is that obvious, the folks who need to know and are willing to consider it already probably do. Given the margin for error and the ruinous blow a wrong interpretation can have on the faith of those left behind, in this area, interpretation is best left to the Spirit.

Finally, anyone who reads this story and sees only judgment just doesn’t get it all. Even at its worst, the chronicle never stops being about redemption, restoration and resurrection. The word is clear: no matter how far we fall, no matter the depths of depravity to which we all too willingly descend, there is no place the love of the Holy Spirit is not willing to reach down to instruct us, revive us and rescue us. Jesus’ point is there is always hope, always something to look forward to, always a reason to let God pick us up and set our feet back on solid ground. David understood. He mourned and repented. His baby died. He got up and moved on, confident in his future ability to be reconciled with God and all the innocents he’d so victimized. He did not allow himself to wallow in grief or guilt. He allowed God to continue to use him, so his return from his horrible sins became an unparalleled example of grace realized which still provides many encouragement today.

To all those facing tragedy – man-made or otherwise – I offer simply this. Because Christ lives again, so can we all.  We do not have to wait until death to begin the process of renewal and resurrection, either. God wants to share our grief. Only He can redeem it.

BURN THE SHIPS!

2 Samuel 9:1-11:27; John 15:1-27; Psalm 119:9-64; Proverbs 16:1-3

“’Don’t be afraid!’ David said. ‘I intend to show kindness to you because of my promise to your father, Jonathan. I will give you all the property that once belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will eat here with me at the king’s table!’”

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!”

“Remember your promise to me; it is my only hope. Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles.”

“People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.”

One of the things my wife gets asked frequently is how we (meaning she, I think) has made our marriage last these almost 29 years now.  She mentors a group of young Moms, several of whom saw their parents break up when in their 40s. They are determined not to allow the same thing to happen to their marriages, but aren’t sure how to go about it. My wife gave them a lot of good advice about communication, dealing with problems head on, not putting all the attention on kids and making a priority of the marriage. But we both know better. Things like communication and prioritization are wonderful and very important, but they are not the absolute bedrock of any marriage. They are what grows out of a deeper, stronger and much simpler foundation. The foundation of our marriage is just that, in the power of Jesus Christ, neither one of us has ever even considered any other alternative. We cherish, honor and love each other exclusively because we said we would, period. Don’t misunderstand; “simple” does not mean “easy.” There have been difficulties. But like Cortez burning his ships, we eliminated the option of failure because we made a mutual decision to absolutely and unquestionably commit to each other on a going forward basis. We don’t “look at the menu.” And the sanctuary and security each of us finds in the dedication of the other more than makes up for all our “little eccentricities.”

It’s interesting what a reliable promise can do for a person, or a relationship. David remembered his promise to care for Jonathan’s family, even after his friend died in battle. He took Mephibosheth in and made him a son. Mephibosheth had his own doubts and fears, with good reason. He was Saul’s grandson, potential lawful heir to the throne by blood, and such did not usually last long in the presence of conquering kings of other tribes. But David would not be put off. He lived here by a higher standard than the rules of conquest. He lived by the Promise. Consequently, David made a potential enemy a son against all political and practical considerations. Because David considered no alternatives, Mephibosheth was restored.

Christ offers us the same commitment. Jesus promises to love us and that, if we remain in Him, we will bear fruit and become His adopted sons and daughters. Here, we do see the only alternative to the Promise: rejection. It is not, however, an alternative Christ allows Himself. It is a choice only we can make. But if we take Him seriously, it’s an option that makes no sense whatsoever.

One could argue Jesus’ Promise itself doesn’t make much sense – from His perspective, anyway. Why would the ruler of the universe be concerned about such as the likes of us? Why would my wife decide to love me? But that’s the beauty of a promise. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just has to be, and be honored without question, without alternatives.

Jesus went to the Cross because He allowed Himself no other option. It’s not that He didn’t have a choice, or was incapable of doing anything differently. He just made a decision and stuck to it. “Not my will, but thine.” No Plan B. All or nothing. He burned the ships out of a single-minded, crazy and inexplicable love for us. We can certainly reject the Promise, but it will never be broken on His end. How it would lighten my load of guilt and inadequacy to take more seriously that I can rest securely in His love without fear of it being taken away! What would it mean in my life to be as single-mindedly committed to Jesus as He is to me?

Relationships fail when there are other alternatives. We stumble when we explore “opportunities” apart from Christ. Only God’s promises can revive us. There is no real alternative but to believe. We need to quit playing games with the Spirit. Burn the ships. Follow Him.  

GETTING IT RIGHT

2 Samuel 7:1-8:18; John 14:15-31; Psalm 119:33-48; Proverbs 15:33

“Nathan replied to the king, ‘Go ahead and do whatever you have in mind, for the Lord is with you.’ But that same night the Lord said to Nathan, ‘Go and tell my servant David, “This is what the Lord has declared: Are you the one to build a house for me to live in?  I have never lived in a house, from the day I brought the Israelites out of Egypt until this very day. I have always moved from one place to another with a tent and a Tabernacle as my dwelling.”’”

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.”

“Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word. Reassure me of your promise, made to those who fear you. Help me abandon my shameful ways; for your regulations are good."

“Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.”

Even prophets and kings get ahead of the Spirit once in a while, and that actually encourages me. If Nathan can get well-meaning things confused with the things of God, the rest of us can probably cut ourselves a little slack when initial enthusiasm for a project does not pan out. The amazing thing is, when Nathan finally did hear the word of the Lord, he was man enough to go straight to David and set the record straight. He could have pridefully stuck to his initial direction and never let David know God felt differently. But he didn’t. He admitted his error immediately, and as a result, saved David a lot of wasted and uninspired work. Nathan’s meekness (teachability) and humility assured the Temple would be built in the Holy Spirit’s time by the one most suited and divinely appointed to do the job. This, in turn, gave David the courage to be patient and wait on the Lord.

Boy, this is way different from how I usually respond to what I think is inspiration! If I have a “right” idea, it’s usually tough to dissuade me. Barriers and pragmatic hurdles are no big deal. Jesus will overcome, right? I typically just move ahead, attempting to dictate to the Spirit how we’ll succeed together, instead of waiting on His spiritual confirmation and leadership. Furthermore, I don’t handle disappointment well. Even if Christ does clearly say no or not yet, my inclination is to forge ahead and try to prove Him wrong. Sometimes, it’s even surprising what a little “sweat equity” can accomplish. But that doesn’t make it right. That just makes it all about me. Prideful achievements usually end up being the most ill-conceived failures.

For example, I once was asked to start a new, young marrieds Sunday school class. What an awesome calling and opportunity, I thought! Our church was growing by leaps and bounds, young couples were a desperately underserved demographic, and I was all ready to be God’s messenger to them. As expected, we started with just a few couples. My lessons were some of the best I’ve ever put together. Intellectually, they were challenging, and they spoke and realistically applied the Gospel. But the class went nowhere and quickly died. “Why, God?” I finally cried out in painful prayer. “How could you have abandoned my efforts?”

“Because they had nothing to do with My Plan, Tom. This was not your appointed ministry,” was the blunt but ultimately loving reply. It brought me a new humility and respect for the importance of waiting on God’s timing. Later prayer also provided the litmus test I still use today to help discern God’s Will from good ideas. Simply, if it doesn’t make my soul sing, I no longer attempt it. I’m not sure I can articulate how I have learned to find the will of God any better than the “soul sing” test. It has little to do with good ideas or even my own heart. Lots of great ideas bloom in initial enthusiasm only to fade in execution. My saving grace at this point in life is learning to let ideas mature just a bit before acting on them, and cutting losses early on any project which becomes more prideful obligation than spiritual opportunity. Most important, the Spirit is teaching me to spend more time in prayer up front; this really does matter.

Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit for a reason: to teach us and lead us ever closer to the Father. But as Scripture says, the ways of the Spirit are not our ways. This is usually applied in a negative sense, referring to our sin, but it has equal applicability to our good works as well. We need to intentionally set aside time to pray and listen more carefully and determinedly first, before doing what we think is right. Only act when we get divine confirmation. Another litmus test is that the things of God will survive the wait. If not truly, divinely inspired, they die in the incubation period of discernment. A little early patience can save a lot of embarrassment. Waiting on the Lord in prayer is not “doing nothing;” it’s proper preparation.

Plainly, our good can get in the way of God’s best. When it does, it’s no less a distraction than affirmative sin. Only after letting go of the young marrieds class was I free to serve Couples for Christ, which Christ has been growing exponentially, but patiently, for over five years now.  

COLLATERAL DAMAGE

2 Samuel 4:1-6:23; John 13:31-14:14; Psalm 119:17-32; Proverbs 15:31-32

“David was angry because the Lord’s anger had burst out against Uzzah…. David retorted to Michal, “….Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes!”

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”

“Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions…. I cling to your laws. Lord, don’t let me be put to shame!”

After Jonestown, Heaven’s Gate and Waco, we ought to know sin lurks even in the enthusiasm ecstatic worship can generate. But we still forget, and when we do, saddest of all, others fall. David’s greatest spiritual struggles did not come as much with adversity as with success.  In times of greatest blessing, his personal judgment sometimes was literally overwhelmed by his emotions, which subtly replaced God as his first priority. It is important, therefore, to remember we all are subject to some of Satan’s most cunning and devastating temptations when in the midst of truly celebrating Christ. Personally, I think this occurs because, when we feel the most secure, we often are really the least vigilant and, hence, most vulnerable. We are swayed most easily away from God at our most spiritual or most depraved. Even God admits in Revelation that He can do little with us when we are simply lukewarm. Perhaps Satan suffers the same frustration. The point is Scripture contains abundant proof that it pays to keep an especially sharp lookout for Ol’ Slewfoot when we think he is furthest away.

Scripture also is abundantly clear that sin is never just a personal thing. Like a drunk causing a fatal car wreck and walking away without a scratch, the greatest damage produced by our sin is often collateral. The worst injuries brought about by our failure to follow God’s rules and plans are frequently suffered by the innocent. We will see this most graphically when Bathsheba loses her first child fathered in literally murderous adultery by David. But we see it here, too.

Why was Uzzah killed, when all he was trying to do was protect the holy things of the Lord? It seems grossly unfair and a disproportionate punishment, even when we recall he was not a Levite and had no divine authority to even be involved in the transport of, let alone touch, the Ark of the Covenant. The Bible does not say why David did not insure only Levites dealt with the Ark on this especially triumphant and significant occasion. Nor does it provide any clue why Uzzah himself did not protest being placed in such a presumptuous position. Both men presumably knew the Law. Maybe both were just caught in the emotion of the moment and forgot themselves, and others. Maybe Uzzah lacked the courage to question a leader as obviously inspired and charismatic as David. Whatever the reasons, several things do stand clear.

Sin is usually less about motive than about simply what is, or what is perceived to be. Not always are we “blessed to be a blessing.” We can turn, or seem to turn, our attention away from God and/or others and onto ourselves and “our” successes and blessings even (especially?) in the midst of worship. When we do, regardless of our true motive or intent – or our lack of intent – other people suffer, too. Uzzah may bear a bit more responsibility for his own demise than we may think at first glance, but it is David’s oversight, whether based on pride or simple thoughtlessness, that is the real culprit here. He was, after all, leader.

Michal, too, was a victim of David’s “religious” thoughtlessness, although in a different way. His self-centered, showy and ultimately prideful (“I am willing to look even more foolish … even to be humiliated…” [his own tellingly, emotional words, spoken with little regard for what God wanted]) worship led her straight to scorn, sarcasm and alienation. Usually, sermons are preached on Michal’s lack of tolerance and appreciation for David’s need to express himself spiritually, but it seems to me that take on the story misses a deeper message. Jesus was very clear we are never to make a public “show” of our religion. Our feelings of blessing and security are no reason to forget or, worse yet, flat disobey the Holy Spirit’s commandments. We must always recall there are others who, because they have not walked in our shoes, can never understand, and thus uniformly reject, any over-the-top exuberance. Our sense of spiritual security should never become an instrument Satan can use to alienate others. Religion, even personal ecstasy, never bestows on us the right to be inconsiderate! Far from it! If our personal need to worship, or our style of worship, turns off others or puts them in spiritual jeopardy, we do well to turn it off ourselves, at least until a more appropriate time and place. Love should always be our guide. And that's a much bigger consideration than religion or even spirituality.

FUTILE CONFLICT

2 Samuel 2:12-3:39; John 13:1-30; Psalm 119:1-16; Proverbs 15:29-30

“So they stood up and were counted off—twelve men for Benjamin and Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, and twelve for David. Then each man grabbed his opponent by the head and thrust his dagger into his opponent's side, and they fell down and died together. So that place in Gibeon was called Field of Daggers.”

“When Jesus came to Simon Peter, Peter said to him, ‘Lord, are you going to wash my feet?’ Jesus replied, ‘You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.’”

“I will obey your decrees. Please don’t give up on me!”

Today’s Old Testament reading may be one of the saddest stories outside the Crucifixion. Twenty-four Hebrew brothers, separated primarily if not exclusively by political loyalties, decide to participate in a little diversion. Their commanders’ goal is to entertain the troops in the middle of a long and sometimes obscure conflict. The contestants are proud to be chosen by their respective leaders for the exhibition. Every one is a prime example of Israeli manhood. And they each plan to win, period. Well, the “game” commences. The striving begins. Sooner than anyone expects, the field becomes a wasteland of useless carnage. There are no winners, only losers. All because some folks always play for keeps, no matter the cost. For these bloodthirsty predators, every opportunity is a matter of life and death: their lives; others’ deaths. They can never be satisfied with mere success. Unconditional surrender and tribute are the only acceptable outcomes. In sum, their goal is to win or die trying. They frequently do both, but accomplish no more than assuring there can be no real victory for anyone.

I know people exactly like those young soldiers. They populate cubicles and boardrooms all around the world. They are the ones who live all of life as a contest. They can never simply relax, enjoy and be grateful. Everything is a challenge which must be overcome regardless of the price, even if it costs their own health or, worse, soul. Several of these predators attended law school with me. Before the days of computers in law, research was done using cumbersome volumes of case reports and a complex indexing system which required the use of still another set of books. For the predators, each book represented a potential vulnerability, one they would do anything to protect.  So, the most necessary books quickly disappeared, never to be seen again, at least not until the particular assignment was past due. Some were stolen outright. Many students chose to emulate the predators’ strategy rather than stop it. So the predators “won…” until the inevitable pop quiz revealed how pervasive the practice was, and library privileges were rewritten for everyone. Many of those working their way through school were especially devastated, as their book times frequently conflicted with their work times. No one knew for sure who was responsible. We each had our favorite suspects. We did know one thing, though. Long before any predator even attempted to actually practice law, they had already compromised their souls and were failures as “professionals,” regardless of their grades.

Predators can never understand foot washing or much of any type of service to others. But Jesus was abundantly clear that His is the example we should follow, whether we understand it or not. Challenging our peers and fighting our friends is not just counterproductive. Carried to extremes, such competition can destroy them and us. When life is all about winning, few ever really do. When life is about service, curiously, everybody wins. Maybe that displeases the predators, but it makes the heart of God most glad.

ETERNAL LIFE

2 Samuel 1:1-2:11; John 12:20-50; Psalm 118:19-29; Proverbs 15:27-28

“Oh, how the mighty heroes have fallen! Stripped of their weapons, they lie dead.”

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives….  Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But this is the very reason I came! Father, bring glory to your name.”

“Open for me the gates where the righteous enter, and I will go in and thank the Lord. These gates lead to the presence of the Lord, and the godly enter there. I thank you for answering my prayer and giving me victory!”

There is very little that troubles us more than death. Of course, it is reasonable to have some anxiety about passing in pain or violence. But our fears go much deeper than the physical, even if we don’t allow ourselves to think on it much. If the discomfort of death really was what kept us up at night, few of us would continue to drive, fly, drink, smoke, or take any significant risk. But we blithely roll on with our daily activities having nary a care in the world. No, it is not the physicality of mortality which unsettles us so much as the uncertain spirituality of the next, eternal life as we get closer to facing it. No wonder; most of us are totally unprepared for the transition. We spend far more time, if we think of death at all, wondering what is on the other side than preparing for it. Throughout life, most people approach death as a hypothetical. When the reality of the unknown beckons, we grow increasingly uncomfortable and fearful, even as we remain unclear about precisely what it is we fear.

For a third group, though, it is neither the physicality nor spiritualization of death which challenges. These folks are just concerned about disappearing, or passing without notice. Their worst nightmare is leaving behind nothing that affected others, nothing worth remembering. No one wants to be forgotten. Yet, if our stock is honestly inventoried, few of us have done much to assure others will remember and honor our legacy. The explanation of why is painfully basic. Being self-centered, little of what we do is worthy of remembrance. We hang on so tightly to our own lives that we forget or, worse, refuse to minister to others, so we have no real impact on their lives.

Jesus reminds all of us that a seed which dies is the only seed that fulfills its divine purpose. Good parents don’t need the reminder. They sacrifice a little of themselves every day. So do pastors, teachers, doctors (the good ones, at least) and many selfless folks. But for the rest of us, a little refresher cannot hurt. We fulfill our purpose when we place our very lives into the hands of God and allow Him to use us as He sees fit, even if that means using us up completely. Jehovah is, after all, Lord of the Resurrection, the Lord who remakes, the God of restoration. There is nothing we can give up in this life that God cannot replace multiple times in heaven. Thus, if we were more generous on earth, and left a little more of ourselves in the hearts of others, we’d have fewer worries about being remembered and less anxiety about being restored. The more we try to horde and preserve for ourselves, the less reason we give anyone to remember us favorably in this life. The more we place in God’s hands to do with as He will, the more eternal we become, not just in heaven, but in the minds of all those touched by our sacrifice. 

FORGETTING THE PROMISE

1 Samuel 29:1-31:13; John 11:55-12:19; Psalm 118:1-18; Proverbs 15:24-26

“The fighting grew very fierce around Saul, and the Philistine archers caught up with him and wounded him severely. Saul groaned to his armor bearer, ‘Take your sword and kill me before these pagan Philistines come to run me through and taunt and torture me.’ But his armor bearer was afraid and would not do it. So Saul took his own sword and fell on it.”

“Then the Pharisees said to each other, ‘There’s nothing we can do. Look, everyone has gone after him!’”

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever…. In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me.”

“The path of life leads upward for the wise; they leave the grave behind.”

Saul’s end is a sad tale of dreams gone sour and the depression of separation from the God who gives us life. Lost, disillusioned and desperate, he lowered himself to hypocritically consult the witch of Endor, even though it was against his own ordinances. He finally faced the truth: his life and disloyalty surely would culminate in a last disaster. He could not handle the news or the defeat. His finale was as inglorious and debasing as his life. Stripped of all creativity and hope, he could think of nothing else to do but suicide. For anyone who began with such great raw material and potential, it was a humiliating denouement. Yet, Saul’s crushing destruction also was predictable. Such is a not uncommon finish for those who have decided to live only for themselves and in their own strength. Death is the inevitable result for anyone who rejects and forgets the promises of God.

The death Scripture promises for those who choose their own way rather than His is not limited to physical mortality, either. The Pharisees literally were dead men walking as they tried to maintain power in the face of overwhelming grace. They had no real sense of peace or beauty; they were consumed by a negativity of eternal dimensions which spoiled everything for them. Bound to their laws and checklists of right and wrong, they stripped religion of any ability to bring hope to them or their followers. There was no fellowship, no joy; there was only right and wrong, effort and failure, sin and corruption. Not much of a life for anyone claiming God as Father. But again, it’s totally understandable when we forget Jesus’ promises or prefer process to the blessing.

Unconditional love and grace often generate feelings of jealousy or paranoia in those who refuse to accept them. Whether we are threatened by our own incapacity or envious of those who have the security in Christ to admit when they need help, there seems no middle ground. It is either life or death. There is no compromise, no Plan B, no in between. Guilt and divine judgment eventually will claim all whose souls are not anchored to the covenant of Christ. That is no way to live, and it is no way to die.

Praise God that Jesus offers a better, more positive and more joyful option. He is the embodiment of the Promise given to Abraham over 400 years before the first human ears ever even heard of the Law. He is the freedom God offers to those willing to finally admit a life of rules is a life of melancholy near misses and eventual futility. He is the Lord’s solution to a problem with which every one of us struggles: we can never be good enough for God or ourselves because we can never be perfect. Our fallibility is a slow poison eroding our spirit and enthusiasm. Christ is God’s antidote for human fallibility. We just have to remember His promises and be willing to actually accept and rely on the grace He prescribes.

RETREAT!

1 Samuel 26:1-28:25; John 11:1-54; Psalm 117:1-2; Proverbs 15:22-23

“But David kept thinking to himself, ‘Someday Saul is going to get me. The best thing I can do is escape to the Philistines. Then Saul will stop hunting for me in Israelite territory, and I will finally be safe.’ So David took his 600 men and went over and joined Achish son of Maoch, the king of Gath.”

“So from that time on, the Jewish leaders began to plot Jesus’ death. As a result, Jesus stopped his public ministry among the people and left Jerusalem. He went to a place near the wilderness, to the village of Ephraim, and stayed there with his disciples.”

“Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success. Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!”

As more and more of the future is revealed, one question keeps coming to mind with a fair amount of insistence. Where does one go when adversity closes in? Who can we trust with our vulnerabilities and our fears? Jesus and David both faced similar challenges. They were persecuted, sought out and harassed by their enemies until literally no place was safe. Yet, they also still had others depending on them, trusting them to lead and care for them. It was not a time to show uncertainty or timidity. Both men responded the same way, so it must be important to note. They gathered their most loyal and trusted followers to them and beat a hasty retreat into the relative safety of the wilderness to rest and rejuvenate.

Retreat is such a distasteful word for many of us. For whatever reason, it has lost most of its practical meaning and has become either soaked in religiosity or scorned as an indicator of cowardice. Yet if we are even remotely sensitive to the way these heroes of the Bible lived their lives, we have to know retreat is a specific life strategy not only ordained by God but encouraged by Scriptures, especially when the going gets tough. The problem, I think, is that we have wrongly reversed the intent of retreat as the Lord intended it, and as David and Jesus lived it. Retreat, in their minds, had much less to do with running away from adversity and threats than it indicated a retrenching of faith and reliance on the Holy Spirit and our fellow disciples.

Yesterday, in fact, faced with what is surely going to be a challenging year where every bit of faith and courage we can muster will be critical, I gathered with the officers of our Sunday school class for a day in the country. Our goal was to try to discern and agree with one heart and the mind of Christ on a vision of God’s Will for the coming year for our class. Everyone had the sense of a call much greater than that of an ordinary “class,” but none of us coming in understood much more than that. Nevertheless, in retreat – for the most part – from the distractions of life and our cell phones, we came away united with a strong and bold vision for the plan and role Christ has in store for us, and a rededicated commitment to discovering and implementing the practical nuts and bolts of that vision. In one sentence, to get spiritual clarity, we did not so much retreat from the world as we retreated into the sanctuary of the Spirit. There was not an ounce of cowardice or “holier than thou” in our actions; our “retreat” simply made good spiritual and tactical sense.

Every act of moving (or running) away from one thing is also a moving toward something else. We can choose to run from danger and insecurity toward greater fear and chaos, or we can reprogram our thoughts and efforts more productively to run toward Jesus in times of crisis. There is no shame in recognizing when we cannot get through life on our own. The shame comes when we fail to believe and recognize that Christ is waiting for us just beyond the horizon of our myopic vision to welcome, restore and strengthen us. All we need do is turn our retreat toward Him.  

SENSITIVITY TRAINING

1 Samuel 24:1-25:44; John 10:22-42; Psalm 116:1-19; Proverbs 15:20-21

“’Who is this fellow David?’ Nabal sneered to the young men. ‘Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?’ So David’s young men returned and told him what Nabal had said. ‘Get your swords!’ was David’s reply as he strapped on his own.”

“Don’t believe me unless I carry out my Father’s work. But if I do his work, believe in the evidence of the miraculous works I have done, even if you don’t believe me. Then you will know and understand that the Father is in me, and I am in the Father.”

“Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth!”

 I sympathize with Nabal; unfortunately, I really do. Yes, I have a wonderfully pragmatic wife who acts as my intermediary and has saved my bacon more times than I will ever know. But that’s not why I so identify with the man whose very name means “fool.” There are times my independence and manly pride run away with my common sense, but that does not fully explain my empathy with Nabal, either. What does is that I don’t think before I speak nearly enough, and even when I do, it’s seldom about the outlook or feelings of the folks I’m talking to. As a result, like Nabal, I’m usually living on tin ice, and many times, like him, I’m not even smart enough to realize it.

As but one of many possible illustrations, when I direct plays, I use a lot of imagery to try to give the actors better ideas of what a scene requires. One evening rehearsal, an actor suddenly got a very strange look on her face totally out of place with the other actors and mood of the scene. I wasn’t sure if she even knew she was doing it (which should have been my first clue to work on my subtlety outside the hearing of the rest of the cast), and I am ashamed to admit that, to this day, I still don’t know what motivated it. All I knew was it ruined the scene and had to be fixed right then. So I spoke earnestly, using the best image I could come up with on short notice: “Jane, you look like you just put your hand in a bag of fleas!” Sometimes, even I don’t know where I get this stuff, but regardless, it was the wrong place and time to say it. “Jane” went on a week long bender and nearly quit the show, which would have been a complete disaster.  It cost me several private and public apologies, a lot of credibility and a lunch to put things back together, all because of one thoughtless sentence.

Scripture suggests Nabal was stupid, and one certainly could argue, with Forest Gump’s Mama, that stupid is as stupid does. But that is too simple an analysis of this story. It shrouds a deeper, more important, truth. In fact, Nabal was no one’s village idiot. He was a very successful rancher and merchant with a beautiful, brilliant and sensitive wife.  His problem was not the ability to think; his problem was his thoughtlessness. Along with his blind, self-centered, arrogant macho, a little lack of consideration of others was all it took to bring the man down. No doubt Abigail had been pulling his fat out of the fire for years. Nothing else can really explain her quick and perfect response. But there comes a time, if we do not repent of such sins as arrogance and thoughtlessness, when we will do ourselves in despite all the best efforts of those who love us in spite of ourselves.

Jesus Christ is happy to offer all who come to Him much-needed sensitivity training. We need to be able to communicate effectively, but a large part of that is communicating in a way which can actually be heard, understood and appreciated by those we seek to influence. In short, we do a lot better when we are intentional about letting the Spirit speak through us – as Jesus promised – rather than being so intent on simply getting our own points across.

RISKY BUSINESS

1 Samuel 22:1-23:29; John 10:1-21; Psalm 115:1-18; Proverbs 15:18-19

“Saul ordered his bodyguards, ‘Kill these priests of the Lord, for they are allies and conspirators with David! They knew he was running away from me, but they didn’t tell me!’ But Saul’s men refused to kill the Lord’s priests. Then the king said to Doeg, ‘You do it.’ So Doeg the Edomite turned on them and killed them that day, eighty-five priests in all, still wearing their priestly garments.”

“I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me, just as my Father knows me and I know the Father. So I sacrifice my life for the sheep. I have other sheep, too, that are not in this sheepfold. I must bring them also. They will listen to my voice, and there will be one flock with one shepherd.”

“A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.”

Standing up for the Lord has nearly always been fraught with peril. We are an unruly flock that does not typically take well to shepherding. We dislike being told where to go. We are fond of wandering and usually heedless of the dangers which lurk just outside the fold. Then, of course, there are the wolves among us, wolves our shepherds must confront and fend off on our behalf at great personal risk. Sheep that we are, we either miss the danger altogether or quail and quake behind their protection in spiritual impotence, instinctively fearful but still not quite sure of what death actually stalks us. Then after all of that, when the danger passes or is overcome, we just go back to grazing.

No wonder the pastorate is suffering from attrition and burnout. We need to be more considerate of our spiritual leaders and more obviously appreciative of their efforts to protect us, especially from ourselves. Ministry is risky business across the board. Those who attempt it better know in advance they cannot afford fear or timidity, and we need to be more intentional about covering them in prayer and gratitude for the work they do.

It’s a sad truth that Doegs exist even today. There are those in the church all too ready to take it on themselves to turn on church leaders at the least provocation with a violence out of all proportion to the perceived or alleged wrong. I don’t know why this is. I do know it is our duty as Christians to put a stop to it. It threatens the safety of the flock from within, even when the flock as a whole may not appreciate the danger.

But the bottom line is that being a good shepherd means being willing to lay down one’s life for the sake of the flock, whatever the reaction of the flock may be to the dangers that exist or to efforts to protect the Body. Self-preservation has never been particularly consistent with the idea of effective ministry, no matter how much we may wish it to be otherwise. Too many in love with the trappings of formal ministry and the image of being a well-respected spiritual leader fail when confronted by the realities of what love can cost.

So today is a shout out to the dedicated few in the Church, as well as in less formal or well-recognized ministry for Jesus Christ, who love us enough to risk themselves for us! You are the unsung heroes of the faith. You are the ones without whom the Church would not exist. Rest assured that, even on days when your efforts and love seem to fall on cold hearts and empty souls, God knows your work. Don’t be dismayed by the indifference or even outright hostility of the ones you shepherd. There are still a few attentive and appreciative sheep out there for whom your sacrifices make all the difference! 

IMPORTANCE VS. IMMEDIACY

1 Samuel 20:1-21:15; John 9:1-41; Psalm 113:1-114:8; Proverbs 15:15-17

“David asked Ahimelech, ‘Do you have a spear or sword? The king’s business was so urgent that I didn’t even have time to grab a weapon!’”

“We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us. The night is coming, and then no one can work. But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.”

One of the most practical – and important – spiritual truths I’ve learned over the years is that there is a world of difference between importance and immediacy. We confuse them at our peril, especially when it comes to the relationships we hold dearest.  For example, I write this in the early morning hours at my office desk, having abruptly left my wife at the (very early) breakfast table without any real explanation. I had to be here to field some calls and emails before leading a particularly urgent training session this morning. Having gotten that under control, though, I caught my breath, began this blog and wondered if I wouldn’t have been better off using this “slack” time up front to share another glass of juice with my bride…. Particularly since I was in an evening meeting and once again working at the computer until after her bedtime last night!

Thankfully, I am married to a saint who understands what both spiritual and professional commitments sometimes require. When they belong to her husband, they usually mean she gets the short end of the stick. Nor is this anything new for either of us; over at least the last 25 years, I have been asking her to accept (more honestly, telling her there are) many priorities in my life which all compete for my time. She takes the definition of “good sport” to new heights, and I am exceptionally blessed! However, that’s not to say I “deprioritize” my marriage willingly – far from it. She also understands that. Outside my relationship with Christ, she knows I know there is nothing more important than my relationship with her. The fact that my focus sometimes shifts to other things first does not diminish her importance at all (though I have no doubt it often feels that way). It is simply a reflection of the fact that, sometimes, other priorities do become more immediate.

Now, I’m not smart enough to have figured this out on my own. I was taught to pay attention to the distinction between importance and immediacy by a dear Christian brother in an accountability group from years past. He urged me to take time to explain it clearly to all those in my life at a critical time when both my relationships and external priorities were suffering because there just was not enough of me to go around. It did not save our marriage, but it sure helped smooth over some pretty rough patches in the road. I now understand a lot fewer relationships would fail if those in them understood that heightened immediacy of one priority does not necessarily diminish the fundamental ­importance of others. Of course, this is not a distinction to be taken lightly or overused, either. We must not ever forget important is still important, and will always require its share of quality and quantity time. But it helps to know when a temporary immediacy which does not include us nevertheless does not threaten us or other fundamentally important priorities.

David understood. He, the anointed king-in-waiting, literally left behind his wife and all the trappings of his coming kingdom to save his skin from Saul’s spears and arrows. (Assassination attempts have a nasty way of clarifying the immediate, if not the important.) He even left his personal sword, ancient symbol of power, behind in his haste to escape. He was not abandoning his calling, his spouse or his nation. He was preserving himself to fulfill it and ultimately lead them. It probably did not feel that way to Michal when he left, either. (We’ll get to her less than charitable reaction to his eventual return from a particularly long battle later. Even longsuffering wives have their justifiable limits….) But here’s the ultimate fact. God saw to it that what was important was restored, even better than before. One might say David’s reign was actually reaffirmed in the process, as he came out of it with a better weapon and a more committed following. After all, Goliath’s sword is about as close as the Bible ever gets to Excaliber. David knew his priorities and understood the difference between immediacy and importance. So, it seems, does God. Therefore, the next time we face a legitimate conflict between the two, maybe those around us who also understand will be a little less judgmental, and we will feel a little less guilty.