THE PROBLEM WITH MEN

1 Chronicles 26:12-27:34; Romans 4:13-5:5; Psalm 14:1-7; Proverbs 19:17

“Jonathan, David’s uncle, was a wise counselor to the king, a man of great insight, and a scribe. Jehiel the Hacmonite was responsible for teaching the king’s sons. Ahithophel was the royal adviser. Hushai the Arkite was the king’s friend.”

“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

“Only fools say in their hearts, ‘There is no God.’”

One of the most difficult things for men to do is to connect in any real way with other men. I’m not talking about going hunting, fishing or to a ballgame. Although those experiences certainly have their place, there’s a whole lot of “guy time” that ends up being just another form of wasted time. We fritter away chance after chance to actually avoid the mistakes and benefit from the experiences of our peers because we choose superfluous conversation over the sharing of real feelings. We eschew personal vulnerability at almost any cost. I’m not exactly sure why this occurs, and it is not a problem unique to men. But men seem, at least in my experience, to be peculiarly susceptible to its snare. Certainly, time and other responsibilities can represent significant barriers, but as long as we are making space on our calendars for golf or happy hour, we are only fooling ourselves by claiming a lack of opportunity. I wonder if the true issue isn’t just that we aren’t very good at trusting each other.

From almost the time I was old enough to throw a ball, I remember being aware that I had to compete to earn a position on the team. This competitiveness eventually carried over into almost everything I attempted from grades to clerkships to female companionship and eventually jobs. That females also were challenging for many of these positions and opportunities only amplified my tendency to be independent and isolated from those against whom I might have to compete. Then there were the times I did try to forge alliances and had them blow up in my face. A guy only has to show himself to be the vulnerable (translation: weakest) link once or twice to be permanently branded as something less that his fellows.

So why did King David surround himself with advisors and accountability partners? Because he understood one fundamental principle about himself: he, like most every other guy, could not trust himself to do the right thing if left to his own devices. He needed friends to hold him accountable and fill the gaps in his own knowledge and experiences so he could really be the ruler Jehovah wanted him to be. No more obvious example of his need to have other men to rely on for advice and objectivity can be found than in the story of Bathsheba. That affair took place during the time young men went off to war, but David instead chose to stay home and enjoy the perks of being King.

So, let’s get a couple of things clear. First, men are actually far more vulnerable alone than in fellowship. Competition is fine in measured doses, but when it separates us from each other, it has gone too far. Whether we realize it or not, we need individual recognition and accomplishment far less than we need to be united with each other so we can rely on our collective strength to overcome the hurdles of life. Second, our obsession with competition is not just counter-productive but completely unnecessary. There is plenty of room in our Father’s mansion, and Christ has gone ahead specifically to prepare a place for each of us who calls Him Lord and accepts Him as Savior. Our insecurity and suspicion of others are not God-given conditions at all. They are tools of Satan intended to separate us from the unity that would make us the strongest we can be. The Devil does not want us capable or sufficient; he wants us isolated, independent and weak. He is not in the least interested in letting us surround ourselves with others who will remind us of who and Whose we are. And that is all the more reason why we men – and women, too – should do exactly that!